SimbaTigerEST. NAPTIME

Meet the talent · Romance

Two profiles.
Several disclosures.

Half brothers Simba and Tiger are looking for long-term relationships. Their representatives asked us to note that all claims were supplied by the cats and have not necessarily been verified.

Simba wearing a birthday bib and making a dramatic expressionMama's favorite

Simba

✓
Age
One week older than Tiger
Height
Taller than Tiger*
Occupation
Between opportunities
Seeking
A long-term relationship

My simple pleasures

Party Mix, wet treats, seaweed, Mama's pillow, and following Mama into rooms where privacy was apparently expected.

A former life

I spent one summer as an assistant professor teaching English to immigrants. I am no longer with the university.

My love language

Making biscuits, crying from another room, and maintaining direct physical contact with Mama.

A boundary of mine

I do not enjoy pets from the general public. Mama is not the general public.

Ideal first date

Chinese food followed by bird-watching in the park. I will be evaluating both the menu and the birds.

*Independent measurements suggest Simba is, in fact, shorter than Tiger.

Tiger wearing a Happy Birthday bib and looking upwardVerified professional

Tiger

✓
Age
One week younger than Simba
Work
Cybersecurity technical writer
Home
Prime kitchen-table box
Seeking
A long-term relationship

I'm overly competitive about

The spinning-ball toy. I also hold multiple confirmed laser catches and have squished the red dot more than once.

My greatest strength

Connecting recent data breaches to boxes, even when the assignment does not specifically call for a box metaphor.

The way to win me over

Be patient. Bring a completely empty box. Allow me time to verify both you and the box.

Something I'm working on

Confidence—and establishing stronger boundaries with my older half brother.

Ideal first date

Bird-watching in the park from a secure position, followed by a quiet review of the day's threat landscape.

References available from one bird and one squirrel who visit the porch.

Compatibility note

They are not applying as a package.

Simba regularly ambushes, bites, and punches Tiger. Tiger generally leaves the situation, though he has occasionally kicked Simba in the head and—very rarely—fought back and won.